Sigh

Jenna came to The Spot tonight as Laura and I were leaving.

And for the first time since all of this happened, the feeling I got in my stomach was totally different. In fact, it really wasn't in my stomach this time. It was just a small feeling in my brain. And it was a feeling mixed with sadness, disgust, a slight bit of anger, and a larger bit of nothing.

In fact, I think I reacted the way I did because that's they way I'm used to reacting to her. Now that I am in my apartment and had a long bike ride to think, I believe the reaction was mostly because it's what I thought I should be feeling.

Maybe if I had seen her face myself, I would be reacting differently. I saw her as she was leaving the bar while I was waiting for Laura outside the store. And I said my normal reaction to seeing her, but there was a part of me that really didn't feel it.

I like this.

I really do. I think I may be able to look at her or be in the same bar with her and not feel much. Other than that small bit of sadness, disgust and a bit of anger.

But now that I'm home, what I feel more than anything is sorrow. Sorrow for her. I really feel bad for her. I hope she works out the issues that make her feel nothing about breaking up marriages or lying to those she calls friends. She is a really sad person.