I don't think about it, or them, every day, all day long like I used to. They are fleeting thoughts that pass here and there.

Because of that, when those moments hit me, they hit me when I am unarmed, defenses down, no adrenaline, with nothing prepared to fight them with. I am naked and vulnerable when they hit now, and they hurt with a stronger intensity, a blast of pain and rage and sorrow that I don't see coming.

I know these are the last bits of me healing. And these are the worst. Those blindsiding blasts that knock me back a few feet and months. But they go away. After a quick burst of crying or raging, they go away.

I am very excited for the day when I know they are gone forever. That time will come. I have lived it completely so I could heal from it completely. And I'm almost there.