I feel like I have been in large moments of change non-stop for the last four years. Just when one change happens and I get adjusted, there is something else that is huge and needs to happen, creating more change. I know life is all about adapting, but it would be nice to have a breather. Some calm. Some stability that is long lasting.

I know each thing I have done has helped to get me closer to stability, and I appreciate that. I really do. But I'm getting a bit tired of looking to the future and seeing the next big thing that needs to get done so another big thing can happen to allow yet another big thing to happen.

I tried to take a mental vacation and ended up sleeping for two weeks and gaining 15 pounds. I am comparing my life here to my life there, and my life in all of the 'there's' I have lived at in my time.

I know once my job makes sense I will have stability. I know once I close on the house and move in, I will have stability. Those things will be happening soon. But in the meantime, there is packing and training and learning and frustration and anticipation and sleepless nights and backaches. And apparently an abundance of bitching.

God knows I don't want things to be stagnant. I can't handle that. But small, good changes are in order. Small. Things I can deal with over a 24 hour period.

Or having Leo show up at my door. I can handle that change....