Here comes the flood

I'm filled with a weird sense of anxiety. There is no real reason for it. Usually when I get these feelings, something is wrong with someone I love. Call it a disturbance in the force, whatever. It usually means someone is sick, hurt, has died or something to that effect. I started feeling it last night.

I thought it was an anxiety about leaving tomorrow to see my parents for their birthdays. For some reason, maybe I wasn't feeling prepared, I don't know. Separation anxiety from Steve? Who knows. I know I don't sleep well when he's not there beside me. I don't know.

I called mom today to make sure everyone was fine there. She said that Olivia got sick last night. There is some intestinal bug that the kids in her preschool are passing around to each other. I guess she started throwing up last night.

I don't think that's it, though. Usually when I feel it and find out what is wrong, it goes away. It's still lingering. There is a part of me that doesn't think I should take the trip tomorrow. But I can't cancel it based on a feeling that could just be fear that I've taken on too much. I went from having nothing to do to suddenly being overwhelmed. School, the institute, rehearsals for both shows, the wedding. All of it hit suddenly.

The rational part of my brain keeps telling me that I'm just overwhelmed, that I need a few weeks to get back into the life of a student balancing everything. This time around, I have Steve to balance as well. While I wouldn't trade it for the world, it is adding a different dimension to the usual stress I feel when school starts.

The bugs are starting to come back. I saw my first silverfish of the season on the back porch tonight. There were two spiders in our bedroom closet. There is a very awesome spider, who I have named Herman, who has a little web under the lip of our bathroom window. I love having him there. I blow on him before I get in the tub to make sure he hides under the window and doesn't get hit by a splash of water. He helps to keep the little gnats at bay and I appreciate that. I'm glad Steve is okay with his existance in our home as well. Or maybe he just hasn't seen him.

I really don't think the knowledge of the little many legged creatures sharing our home is what's bothering me. They're just a good distraction.

I am going to be extra careful tomorrow and Sunday when driving back. Maybe this feeling is a warning to make me be extra careful. Maybe otherwise I would have driven without thought and something would have happened.

Just in case, I've gotta make sure I take my insurance card with me.

Kitten has been running around, almost screaming tonight as well. Maybe she's feeding off my energy. Maybe I've been watching too many reruns of "The X Files". Maybe I shouldn't joke about my gut feelings, since the only times in my life I've really messed up are when I didn't listen to it.

I've got to get to bed.