Catching?

I'm in kind of a slump today, it seems. I think I know the reason, but nonetheless I plow on with cleaning.....

Of course, I'm taking a break from the cleaning of the bedroom to make some organic parmesan pasta. Super yummy......

Wow. This is really pointless.

But it's not.

I have this warm, fuzzy place in my belly that knows good things are just around the corner but is really impatient to get there. So many wonderful things have happened so far, and this is far from a cry of 'poor me', but I'm waiting for the dust to settle already so I can ENJOY the wonderful things that have been going on. I am so excited for Steve to come home from work and not have to step over piles of things we have no home for yet. I can't wait for my days off from work to NOT be spent in this apartment, cleaning and organizing, or else I feel like I'm not doing my part. I can't wait for a 'mess' to consist of a pile of dishes in the living room, not the disaster that is the dining room. God. In my quest to keep Steve from finding the right bell tower I've sort of neglected to take time for me.

Which is crazy, right?

I am working three days a week (thanks to sales being down in every freakin' store but ours). I am home almost all the time. While he works to pay for our rent, I keep the place in order, or try to get it in order to KEEP in order. I have all the free time in the world, right?

Arg.

I feel so bad when I take it, because he's working his ass off. Three jobs. Granted, he only has one shift left at the Zone, but it will still be two jobs he's working.

I know we agreed that as long as I was in school, he would pay the bills (with the hefty assistance we're going to be getting with my student loan check). Still, there is that feeling of guilt. Not much, just a small little rumbling in my lower back (or is that my herniated disc acting up again??) And again, I run the risk of sounding like a spoiled little bitch girl, you know, the one who finally found the person she was created for, has an amazing home, has a promising future with school and will be married in less than a year.......but damnit, I'm having a moment.

I haven't had one in a long time.

And writing about it really helped.

Gonna eat my pasta now. Then finish the bedroom. Then get happy again.......he gets home at eleven.....