For the first time in a good, long time, I actually feel like blogging for fun.

My secret santa shopping is done. I am so excited for the recipient to receive it!

I bought new shoes and a new shirt for my evening of dinner and parties with Ben. They are both very fabulous.

Stefani is coming over today for a bit of hanging out and talking before dinner. I'm really enjoying my talks with her.

Laura and I busted some ass to get shit for the party tonight. I have the feeling it will be a great success.

After continually waking up with bloody noses, I broke down and bought a humidifier. Already, Kitten ceases to shock me every time I pet her, and her fur looks SO much better.

The Vitamin E tablets suggested by Sara's hot mom are really helping the redness in my cheeks. I may actually have *gasp* normal looking skin during the winter this year.

I have been freaking out about school. The grad school I really want to get into took their last applications back in September. They take about 15 students out of around 300. Heather seems to think I'll have no problem getting in....however, when I'm meeting with them, I can't tell them I'm applying at DePaul and Loyola as back up. She said they won't take me seriously. So, instead, I have to actually apply to Harvard, Yale, Brown, etc., to prove to them that I'm taking this seriously and they should accept me.

So, Heather suggested that I take next year off, get published and study for my GRE's. The thought of taking time off freaks me out, because I'm on a roll. However, she brought up a good point that I really have to consider. I could go straight in to DePaul or Loyola and get my Masters, but I would be wasting a year's worth of time and money. If I go straight for the PhD program, I'll be taking a year off, which will even out, but go into it with more under my belt. And I won't have wasted that year of money on schooling that really isn't needed to get the PhD.

So I am in a bit of a pickle. Do I take that year off, get published, take my time with the GRE's and apply fresh and ready to go, or do I keep this going and get my Masters first, and in that time get published and take the GRE's? Heather and I are going to meet next week and talk more in depth. She wants me to do more research to find out which schools would fit me the best, so I'm not spending money applying just anywhere. And of those choices, I'm thinking Yale is looking the best.

I can't believe I'm actually going to be applying to Yale. That is something I just never thought I would do. But the amazing thing? I have the grades and the backing from professors and actually might be able to get accepted! Of course, I have no desire to go to Yale. I've very happy in Chicago, and honestly......the school I've been drooling over for the last year is the best in the country for sociology. Heather said that if I get my PhD from there, I will be given a job anywhere in the world that I wanted. It's that prestigious. It's that well known. And there is no reason they won't take me.

Well, the GRE's need to be almost perfect. That's the catch. And I haven't taken a standardized test since my SAT's in high school. Ten years ago.

So now I'm debating that very serious question of what to do next year. I'm sure once I talk to Heather, it will all be a bit clearer. And I trust her judgement on it. She's been there. She's been working in this field for years. She will know the best route to take.

How amazing would this scenario be: After graduation, take that summer to find work in my field. Work in the community. Work in the field that I'll be living in. Study for my GRE's, take them fresh and unconcerned with other homework or work that needs to be done. Write a stellar dissertation regarding the aspects of Labeling Theory that scholars have yet to cover and get published. Walk into the registration office for my dream school, show them what I've done, where I'm working, what I'm doing and give them the recommendations from my professors. Have them shake my hand and welcome me to their PhD program.

That is the ideal. That may not be how reality works in this situation, but I am going to act like it's a reality.

Or I may just keep going with school.

Urg.

But what I don't need to do is make that decision today. That decision (not to be too Scarlett here) can be made tomorrow. And the next day.

Right now, I have other things to concern myself with. Like getting ready for yet another awesome night. Continuing on with healing myself.

But I have been released from much of those feelings. And I was released on my own. No one else has made that happen for me. There have been many who have been there to support me, but this final step was taken on my own. In my apartment. When things started coming together in ways I could never imagine.

And the thing that will carry me through this is the knowledge that I did it on my own. I didn't jump into someone else. I am taking things very slowly in all aspects of my life, and it's all coming together very nicely.

So, about those awesome shoes and that awesome shirt.....