Wow

So I had a huge blast from my past this past week.

My first love, Tim, found me on MySpace.

I love the story of how we met.....(insert flashback music here)

I was with my parents shopping in Wal-Mart (I know, but I was young). There was a guy who I saw as I was standing in the card aisle. He was about my height and very cute. He smiled, I smiled and we went our separate ways.

The next aisle I walked down, he was on the other side. We smiled again. Then I didn't see him for a bit, and a few minutes later I saw him again. We both kinda laughed, smiled, and kept walking.

I told mom and dad that there was a really cute guy that I kept seeing, and about that time, he walked down my aisle again. Mom and dad acted like they didn't know who I was and kept walking, which was super cool of them. He came up to me, introduced himself to me, and we started talking. His roommate came up to him and I was introduced to him as well. Tim told me they were having a party later that weekend and gave me his number (a torn page from his roommate's checkbook registry). He told me to give him a call if I was interested in going.

I called him and we talked for a bit. Finally I said, "How old are you?" He said, "Don't worry, I am 21. I just look really young." I laughed and said, "How old do you think I am?" He said, "21? 22?" I had to break the news.....I was 15. He was silent for a bit, and said, "Well, we can still be friends!" We talked for about four hours that night.

After I turned 16 and got my license, I would go over to his place and hang out, or we would go out for dinner, things like that. We did this, off and on, for about three years. I knew he was the person I wanted to be with. To this day, he remains one of the most respectful and sweetest people I've ever been with.

He was the first person I thought I would be with forever.

One of our best dates took place in a park. We packed a picnic lunch with strawberries and wine for him, 7Up for me, and random other food things. We sat in the park, talking, eating and laughing, made out for a bit, then talked more. I think this was the date that lasted about 8 hours. It was just so easy with him. So relaxing. So natural.

He made me a necklace. This was back in the day when black cords with beads on them were cool, worn choker style, of course, and he made one for me at the mall. There were blue beads (my favorite color), green beads (his favorite color) and two T's in the middle. Tory and Tim.

After I left for college, he would find me through my parents about every year or so, usually around the winter holidays. We caught up one day and I told him I was dating Hillarie. He said he wasn't surprised, and I laughed, asking if it was that obvious. He told me he had a daughter named Jade. I remember, even though I was very happy with Hillarie at that time, feeling like a part of my heart had twisted a bit when he said that. He had told me he wanted a lot of kids, five to be exact, and I would always laugh and tell him he wouldn't get them from me.

Well, he didn't. He is now married, has three children, and lives in Florida.

I sent him a message on MySpace after I accepted his friend request. He wrote back and said he couldn't say much, since his modem was messed up, but he gave me his number, told me he missed me and thought about me quite a bit, and I should give him a call sometime to catch up.

I don't know if I can.

Tim was one of those people that, every once in awhile, I would think about. Wonder what he was doing. Wonder how things could have been different. And remember that time in my life when I was treated the way I deserved to be treated. With respect and dignity. With care and concern. With an average of 5 hour phone conversations every night. Lying on the couch with him on day during the summer when it was so hot, just lying there, talking.

He was one of the few I don't regret having, but regret not having anymore. And because he is married, I don't know that I can talk to him on the phone. I am afraid it would open too many things that need to stay closed within me.

But damn, it's really nice to see how he's changed, how he's grown and how I've changed and grown.