Oh, it has been so long

My poor blog. I have forsaken it for the glamor of Facebook.

I'm not sure if anyone will even read this, but I'm posting this more for myself than anything.

I have had a wonderful moment where I realized that I have healed and learned so much over the course of the last four years. Those four years were very difficult and painful for the most part, but the pay off has been well worth it.

I have finally attained what I have been looking for. I have attained balance between sacrificing myself and compromise. I have found a healthy way to discuss my feelings and needs and wants.

I have found that love. That love that I never thought I would have again.

And it just so happens, it's with the person I first (and really only) ever felt it with.

When I first moved back, there was something pulling me here. I didn't know what it was, but there was a void that nothing would fill. Buying my house, getting the job, all of it was amazing and wonderful, but there was still something lacking.

I knew last July what it was. I just still wasn't quite sure how to go about it the healthy way.

Fast forward to today. Today, I am in a healthy relationship with someone I've loved for 13 years. It's better than the first time we were together, because we both grew up and figured out what we wanted. And what we wanted was each other.

I have a very strong sense of calm about me right now. Normally, I am filled with this obsessive, almost manic feeling, thinking about what they are thinking and feeling and doing and always in the back of my mind, who are they doing.

With Riley, there was never any doubt, never any fear. The trust was so strong, so well earned that there was never any reason to doubt.

For as much as we have both changed, that is still the same. The respect we have for each other is just as strong as those feelings of love. The trust is an unspoken guarantee.

So mom and Christi can have their "We knew it all along" party and I will gladly show up, wearing the face of a woman who has lived it, learned it, and is now loving it.

I am so excited for my future. I am so excited for the promises that are made, because this time, I know they will become truth.