Gotta help

So I just had a run-in with a truly crazy man on the street. At first, he asked what I was studying. I told him. Then he asked if the WB and the boy trying to get money was a social justice issue. I had no idea, so I said, "well, it depends on how the person is trying to get their money." He then went on to tell me how he creates cartoons, projects on the lake and in his legs, how he created the atom bomb and told them, and they said they didn't know, how Lord of the Rings made so many billions of dollars and he was worth at least 2 billion. The conversation went on for at least 5 minutes, but seemed so much longer. After the first 30 seconds or so, I just shut up and didn't really try to understand. He talked about the gayness and how it's a state of mind, and then how people don't even know what they're upset about, they just want to be upset. Then wars happen. Trying to sift through everything he said made my mind ache.

Then, as I walked in to the school, I closed my eyes and saw his outline. He was standing in front of the sun and I was looking at him for so long that it burned itself into my eyes. Everytime I blink, I see the outline of his head and torso. It's starting to fade, as those eye-sun-burns do, but there is still a little bit of him behind my eyelids.

The thing I hate about being a bleeding heart is the fact that I don't have enough of my heart to give to all that need it. I wanted to help that man, get him to some shelter, get him psychological help, get him meds to control his psychosis, but there is never enough time. I want to save the world and yet, I barely have time to shower. I don't have the means to create change. Yet. But even when I have the degrees, the knowledge, the "power" to help, I know I can't help them all.

That's what sucks about being a bleeding heart. The reason it bleeds is because it's split among millions of things that need it. I just felt so powerless, listening to a man who is convinced that he can go through the sun, find the other three suns and finds miliary meaning on the WB. And yet, at the same time, I was so grateful that I am not like that. While I have my moments of insanity, as we all do, I know that I'm not working on the atom bomb.

I just hate those moments of being powerless, of feeling that there is nothing I can do to ease suffering of others, that I can't change our world to protect those that need it instead of protecting those that have money and want to keep it (corporations, not those of us with $200 in savings). I want to change so much, and yet, who the hell am I? What can I do?

That is one of the most frustrating things about what I'm learning in school.....I know of all these problems, know of grand theories to fix it, but sometimes it just gets so overwhelming.

I wish that guy luck. I hope he finds someone who can help him. I wish I could. damnit.