Last night, Paul and I shared a look.

A look that was more haunting than any look I've seen during this entire process.

For the first time since this has all happened, I locked eyes with the man who knows exactly what I felt.

In a split second, we relived those moments of knowing. I actually had to look away.

I had to look away because I know the decisions I made, and why I made them. I know the pain it caused, the rollercoaster of emotion that went with it. I knew all of that from my own experience.

But to look in the eyes of someone who experienced the same thing and chose to remain.....that's where the understanding was cut off.

I can't pretend to know what his daily existance is like because of those different choices we made. Nor could I know what his existance would be if he would have made the same decisions as me.

But that look that was shared.....that look of knowing.....I can't even put into words how that made me feel.

I don't know him. I've barely talked to him in the time that she has been in my life. But I feel, and have felt this entire time, a connection to him simply because of the shared experience. And who we shared, unknowingly. And those few words we did share, after all was made known.

I just hope, well, I don't know. I guess I hope happiness for him. In whatever form that takes. And while I can't imagine staying, I bet he can't imagine going. So whatever source he is drawing from, I hope it is leading him in the right direction. And he has his happiness, in whatever form he needs.