Another Spring Break come and gone. And for some of it, there was actually spring weather, so I can't complain much. Except how damn cold it got later on in the week.

But yesterday I forced spring upon me. I wore flip flops, and got the season's first set of blisters. But you know what, it feels really damn good! I love those blisters, because it means I'm toughening up the feet for the warmth that will be coming.

The changing of the seasons always does something to me. It's very symbolic, the changing of the earth, the changing of the moods, leaving one season where so much happened and facing a new season full of hope and promise and excitement. I'm nearing the end of undergrad, and I have to say, I am feeling quite a bit of senioritis. And that's okay. My GPA is strong enough to handle a B here and there.

I just got a second invitation to another honor society. The Franklin Honor Society. It involves more chords to wear at graduation.

I'm not quite sure how this spring will be for me. There is a year of firsts that I'm still experiencing, and they aren't the firsts that I thought I would be having. I've had some moments of sadness, some moments of being lonely. But for the most part, I am just so excited to see where my life takes me. I'm still deciding about Puerto Rico. Moving there will be a big change, and I have much to think about regarding it. I'm swaying back and forth pretty heavily. But that decision doesn't have to be made any time soon. I've got time. Time to get through the next few months filled with newness and memories.

It's funny.....I'll see couples on TV or in real life, and I'll think about how it would be to have that. Then the reality hits...that reality of the time, energy and effort it takes to keep it going. The fights. The constant thinking about what someone else is feeling, thinking, etc. Or the constant thinking about how my actions would affect the other person. All the energy that goes into keeping something together, and I am so damn thankful that I don't have it. I am truly enjoying my selfish time right now. And I have all the love and company I could ever want. I guess this is just the best of both worlds for me. I can go out on dates with my friends, have awesome conversations, share many laughs and serious moments, and go home, not worrying about when I'm going to see them next (except with Laura, because we have our Sundays down!) or worrying about who they're seeing when I'm not there.

I think that is the greatest freedom for me. Not worrying about trying to catch someone being a fuck. Not worrying about what they are doing or who they are with. Of course, I have had very good reason for those worries in my past, but I'm done with that. And if I do enter a relationship in the very, very distant future, it will be with someone that I have no worries about what they're doing when I'm not there. I know it exists. And the main thing that is different for me this time around? I know I'm worth it. I know I'm worth having someone who won't hurt me in intentional and malicious ways. I never knew that self worth before. I was never secure in the thought that I deserved to have someone who would be faithful and honest. And that is why I chose the majority of the people I chose. There were a few exceptions here and there, and those are the ones I am still friends with.

I really think this spring will be a time of deeper reflection. So much changed within me during the dark months of winter. Now, both the earth and I are going to be emerging as something new during this time. And it's really damn exciting. So maybe it's not so much about deeper reflection as it is about truly embracing those changes and a sense of starting over in many ways. Having this skin that was covered during winter exposed to the light of day. Having the truths that I have learned be put into practice.

All I know is that with every new flower that pops open, for every new bud on a tree, for every blade of grass that turns deep green, I will be doing the same. Blossoming into the fully realized person I am becoming.