In the immortal words of Phil Collins....

"Tonight, tonight, tonight....woooo-aaaah"

Biology went well. I'm not as worried about the final as I was before he explained it.

The lecture went very well. The speaker was funny and smart and knew that people wanted to get on with the evening.

The dinner was fun. The vegetables were yummy and the strawberry shortcake divine.

The conversations were fun. It was exhausting, though. Being in a room with only two other students, the faculty and dean of my department and the dean of the university was forcing me to use the cultural capital I have but am not used to using. I had to be very conscious of my voice, the words I used, the way I presented myself...all of it. But at least I do have that cultural capital to use in situations like that. Of course, I'm much more comfortable sitting around with people who are equal in power with me, laughing loudly and being myself. It's just a different world to exist in.

But at the same time, some of them consider me a person and not just a student. Of course Heather sees me as a person, because of the work I've done for and with her over the last two years. But there are some others who, when in a situation like tonight, didn't talk to me like a professor speaking to a student. Because of the work I do and did for the event tonight, the fact that I am a good student (and let's not forget the fact that I talk in class....a lot) and the fact that I was invited to this dinner made me on par with the rest of them in a certain way. The power shift is very interesting when in a social setting like tonight. While it is very "adult" and sophisticated, there is a sense that those in power were able to let down their hair a bit and just be people. And I know they ARE people, but to see that side of those who control your grades and give you knowledge, well, it's just very interesting.

But one of the most awesome things was the conversations with one of my professors, Cherise. I have learned so much from all of my professors, but there are a few who stand out as having changed the way I think in a much stronger sense. Cherise is one of those professors. And tonight, we were sitting next to each other the whole time, talking about everything from what I want to do in grad school to the power structure of the dinner to quoting "Silence of the Lambs". To have a professor lean over to me and say (as Buffalo Bill), "It rubs the lotion on it's skin or else it gets the hose again" and then laugh like there was no one around, well, it was just a good feeling.

As the semester is rapidly winding down, I am starting to look back on my journey at Roosevelt. When I started, it was simply to escape the law firm, with hopes that I would make something more of myself. Or, at the very least, get a degree to keep me from getting shit jobs to pay the rent. I was going to work with those with schizophrenia and bi-polar disease. Then I met Heather. Then my life started to make more sense.

It's been a long three years. But at the same time, the time has flown. All the events over the last three years have changed me in many ways. I look at the world differently now, because of all I have learned from these professors who I sat next to at dinner tonight.

The speaker tonight said something that made all of us laugh and cringe at the same time. She said how she sometimes wished she could be one of those people who had no idea about how things really worked. How she wishes she could be someone who slides on a pair of pants and not worry about the child laborers who made it. She sometimes wishes she was still in the state of bliss of just not knowing. The audience laughed, then kinda sighed.

It's like the tattoo on my shoulder symbolizes...sometimes there is an eye that opens up. And once it's open, it can't close. Once this eye sees things the way they really are, there is no turning a blind eye.

With this knowledge comes power. And the real possibility of being a hypocrite every day of your life. I know it's impossible for someone to be completely socially aware and act on all they know. My professors and I are aware that an critical piece of a cell phone is obtained by slave laborers mining in Africa...yet we each have a cell phone. We were each wearing a piece of clothing that was probably made in a maquiliadora by a child. As with all things, there has to be a time when you pick your battles. Hell, just me sitting here, typing on a computer that I own is a sign of my privilege. It gets overwhelming and depressing at times.

But this is the world in which we live. And knowing about these things is the start. Dismantling the unequal power structures will come. First the knowledge must be gained. Once that knowledge is there, things can start to come together.

And I am slowly making my way to a position of power where I can start to elicit that change that needs to happen. Soon I will be educating others on ways they can create change. Working within a system to change the system.

But first, I must graduate...