Back to the light.....

The last week or so has been filled with some interesting things, emotions and rollercoasters. The rush of having something to do constantly is gone, and it left a weird, unsettled feeling in me. I had time to think about things I had pushed aside for too long. It also brought moments of fear to myself and Steve. Those moments were talked about, worried over and fixed completely. We are now ready to start over.

I think I felt like I was kinda worthless for a week or so. I took a week off work because, to be honest, we needed someone here to unpack, clean and organize, and my missing work wouldn't affect us NEARLY as much as if Steve missed work (financially speakinng). So all I did for a week was stay at home. I had mom and dad's truck, and parking it wasn't the most pleasant thing, so I really didn't want to drive anywhere. Plus, we had no money to do anything. I felt a little trapped, but trapped by choice. Make any sense?

But now the smoke is clearing. Steve was supposed to be off today, but they changed his schedule at work (without telling him....thanks, Disney) and he is working today. I am off. I'm hoping to get some cleaning done, maybe finish up with the last few boxes and get them out.

Amy started a blog. Reading it is really hard, but I understand the need for it. Trust me, I understand that need. And it's something that we share, on a level that none of my family in Chicago can share. We have that past, that history, that knowledge of every bit of the situation and why it's taking so long to heal it, to deal with it. Just one thing after another. The fear is there, though slightly less than last week, that this was going to be another 1999. I couldn't handle that.

I know this family will get through everything. I know we will be stronger when it's all said and done. We are just waiting for it to all be said and done. Done. Just done. I think it's easier and yet harder at the same time for Amy and I. We are both in different states from the hub of the family shit. We are apart from it in our daily lives, yet that makes it more difficult, in a way.

ENOUGH! I am going to attempt to make some pancakes, sit at our dining room table and think about all I want to get done today. But what will really happen is: I'll try to make pancakes, burn them, get frustrated, toast an english muffin, slather on some peanut butter and park it in front of the TV, grab the TiVo remote and watch some Punky Brewster. Yep. That's more like me.....