So tonight a very good point was brought to my attention regarding forgiveness.

I know that on a cognitive level I have forgiven Jenna and Steve. But I know on an emotional level, that forgiveness isn't there yet.

But something said tonight has been on my mind since it was stated, and I feel that it may be that last step I need to take to forgive on the emotional level.

There is a level of forgiveness that doesn't condone any action, nor does it really make it easier to take. But there is a level of forgiveness that looks at the person you are dealing with and forgiving them for being who they are.

That sounds way more complicated than it really is.

So to make it as simple as I can, I will state it as if saying it to someone. Even though I'm not there yet. But for simplicity sake.....

I forgive you, because I know the type of person you are. I know what is drawing you to make decisions that are unacceptable. I know that there is something inside of you that makes you believe your actions are acceptable. There is a part of you that has yet to learn this particular lesson. It is because of those things I forgive you.

I really believe that. Again, I'm not there yet, but I do believe that theory. That everyone acts within their own set of belief systems. Everyone has something that draws them to every action they take. There is a personal biography that follows everyone around and leads them to certain decisions. It's not so much forgiving the actions done, but more about forgiving them for being the people they are. It's a level of understanding that I hadn't thought of before.

I don't know when I will be able to look at who Steve and Jenna really are and forgive them for who they are. Mentally, I've gone through those steps, and meant it when I first stated that the forgiveness was there. But emotionally, I'm still working through some kinks with that.

By looking at what made someone what they are, it's easier to separate a personal affront from just the way someone is. And by taking myself out of the equation, I can look at those people and understand the drives that carried them to their actions.

But with everything, there comes a point. There comes a point when we must all look at ourselves, what was done to us, what we have existed through, and realize it was wrong. There comes a point when we have to look at those things in our past and decide whether or not we are going to let it drive us through the future. We have to look at those painful things and decide to either perpetuate the cycle or break it. We all have personal responsibility toward those things.

But not everyone gets there at the same time. We all have our own time lines for learning these things. Not everyone comes to this realization over the same situations.

I will come to that point when I can look at them and see what it was they were truly doing. Attempting to gain acceptance from any place they could find it. Being driven by the thrill of doing something wrong or bad. The lack of self esteem that causes actions to be taken, regardless of the consequences. The drive to be loved, needed, and wanted by as many people as possible to instill a sense of self worth.

These are actions taken by those who have yet to find their way truly. I haven't found my way completely yet, so there is no judgment. But I have found my way in regards to those specific issues.

So until that day comes when I can forgive them for who they are, I will settle on forgiving them in my head. I'm still too raw. I've still got things to work out.

But one day, hopefully very soon, I will be able to look at both of them and forgive them for being who they are. Not forgiving the actions, but the way they are wired.