Death and Travelling

They seem to go together lately. Whether it's leaving to travel home for a funeral or someone or something dying right before leaving for a vacation. The last three times I've left Chicago for simply pleasure, some animal of mine has died right before leaving (or worse, died right after I left and found them after I got back). My fish, Mork, died last night/this morning, and tomorrow morning Steve and I are going to Austin to be with my family for HRH's royal birthday party.

Now, I know he was 'just a fish' and 'they die all the time', but for those of you who really know me, you know I treat every living thing in my home as my family, be it a fish, a cat, a plant, whatever. Maybe it's because I'm a psycho-emotional Pisces with some issues not dealt with from childhood. Maybe it's because I am uber-sensitive to anything living and believe it has equal merit as anything else living. Maybe it's because I don't handle death well. It could be all of those, or none of those. Regardless of what the 'reason' is, I am upset. A little about Mork....

He was not a 'typical' fish, just swimming around and not really knowing what was going on in the world outside his aquarium. This damn fish had PERSONALITY. I know, sounds crazy, but he did. I would walk up to his aquarium and he would swim over to me. If I put my finger on the glass of his tank, he would move his algae-eater mouth to match where my finger was. He was sitting on my desk for a long time, and as soon as I would come to my desk, he would be out of his little rock castle. When I wasn't, he was sleeping. He was also about four years old. That's pretty old for a fish and a long enough time to get an attachment to him. He didn't swim to the glass because he thought I was going to feed him....I didn't ever feed him. He ate what naturally grew in his home. He didn't take much work.

And now he's dead. The last couple of days, he started to look like he was getting thinner. I mentioned something to Steve about it, and he instantly made the comment that I couldn't go 30 seconds without something else being wrong with an animal. But I knew something was off. So I bought some fish food, thinking maybe for some reason, the algae wasn't growing like it should have been and he was getting hungry. The next morning, this morning, he was gone.

Life is life, regardless of the size. That's why I don't like killing ants when they invade my kitchen. That's why I stop on rainy days and move the worms from the sidewalk to somewhere where they are less likely to be squished. That's why I 'relocate' spiders when they come in to the house. That's why I saved KittenFatCat from being used to train a pit bull. That's why we had hundreds of cats and dogs when I was growing up (saving and feeding the strays in the area). Maybe it's compassion. Maybe it's crazy. Either way, it's me. I can't change it. And while the severity and length of grieving for a fish verses a cat verses a family member is different, it is still there. Because anything that comes into my home, into my care, becomes a part of my life, my family. Who knows.....maybe being an only child and considering my animals to be my brothers and sisters when I was little marked me. I don't care what the cause is/was. It's me. And my fish died today. And I am sad.