Migraines and cleansing

I had to leave school early today because a headache came bursting in behind my eyes and the back of my neck. Fearing a migraine, I jumped on the bus and ran home to get A) Chocolate B) Excedrine Migraine C) some quiet and D) some real food (after the chocolate, of course).

All four worked. I don't know that it was truly a migraine or just a really bad tension headache. But I was really worried for a moment. I can't handle a migraine right now, and the sleep and total quiet it requires.

The last few days have been filled with a weird energy. Very soon the chapter on it will be closed and moving on will occur. I really don't know what else to say about it, other than I'll be so glad when it's done and gone.

I will be married in 25 days. In 26 days I will have been married for 24 hours. It's still amazing to me. McGuire, who is officiating the ceremony, came over last Friday to talk about our vows and the general stuff about the wedding. I played dress up and put on the entire outfit.....dress, veil, jewelry, shoes.....and she teared up and almost started crying. Now, I know she has some hormones going crazy, with being 6 months pregnant and all, but she claimed it was because I looked so beautiful and happy. In that very GOOD way, I felt like a different person.....I felt like a true grown up. Now, I am not one to believe that you must be married or have a baby or hit any other milestones in life to be considered a grown up. I just really haven't ever felt like one for any extended period of time. I remember being 18 and thinking how old "almost 30" is, and I don't think it at all now that I am living it.

But putting on that dress and veil, I felt like a woman. I felt like I was making a truly grown up decision and getting ready to embark on a truly adult life. Maybe the socialization of what an "adult" is has stuck with me, as much as I try to deny it. It's a very powerful thing.

But as Steve pointed out a while back, our relationship, which is already a marriage, will be made LEGAL. If we want to leave it, we can't just break up and be done. We have to have a lawyer. There is a whole new level of, for lack of a better word, seriousness that goes along with this. We are serious about it now, but there is a different dimension. A wonderful and scary dimension.

All will be well and good for us. We will have our troubles, we already have. But we've made it through them stronger each time. It's really starting to sink in to every ounce of my being that, together, there is nothing we can't get through. We will heal each other, protect each other, and put the other first in all we do.

It's amazing.