The move went so smoothly. All is unpacked. It feels like more of a home than anyplace I can really remember since leaving my childhood home. It's just a very good feeling.

I don't know whether it's PMS or the fact that I've actually lived enough to understand, but "Forrest Gump" was on TV and I started watching it. I had huge parts of it memorized when I was in high school. Sometimes I would watch it and cry, especially when people died. But tonight was different. Tonight I cried during most of it.

I think it's because I've lived so much more than I had when in high school. I understood each of the characters in a much deeper way than before.

Especially Jenny.

I never understood her actions. I always thought she was selfish and didn't deserve Forrest. I didn't know why she did the things she did or the ways she hurt herself. I thought she was stupid for it.

But tonight, I just saw someone who was lost. Someone who needed to continually hurt herself because she didn't know what else to do. And I saw myself in her in so many ways.

She finally found her happiness and the calm she needed, but it was too late for her. She wasn't able to live long enough to really enjoy it. This is where we are different. Instead of stretching self destruction into decades, I packed mine into one. And I've lived quite a bit in that decade. And none of it was healthy. I've made some amazing friends and have connections with people that started in that decade, but I was never okay with myself. I was never at peace with myself. There was always some sadness driving me to do things I knew weren't good for me. But I made myself believe it was the best I could get.

Now I know differently. And if I have my way, I will have many more decades to enjoy this new sense of self.

It's so funny the way things happen. This movie was overplayed, quoted too much and became one of those movies that you enjoyed when it came out, but soon forgot about after a few years. And tonight, it had a completely different meaning for me. I almost didn't watch it. But now I need to own it.

One thing about life....it's funny sometimes. It can give us those little reminders of just who we are, who we were, and if we're incredibly lucky, who we strive to be and know we can be.