Gotta love that hindsight.

It comes at such random moments. I can be sitting on the bus, not really thinking about anything, and all of a sudden it's there. Just some thought, some random thought, and it takes me over.

But it usually doesn't last long. The next thing on the huge list of things to do takes over.

But those thoughts are still there. They still creep in. And they will.

I have no plan to put a time limit on anything involving anything I'm going through right now. That would be counter-productive. There is just no point and why have goals that you can't possibly meet? So I let them go. Those thoughts of having things done and such by a certain time. Just let them slide away.

Things are moving forward. They are in motion and have been for awhile. I am just going to sit back and let them continue to move. Let them take me along for the ride.

I mean hell, what else can I do?

Have to take a break

from this damn midterm.

Although it feels wonderful to sit at the computer and feel that I am accomplishing something. I feel that old Tory coming back.....the one that gets so wrapped up and lost in her own world of school and learning that all else goes away. I have had a good hour and a half of writing about something other than how I'm feeling, and it feels wonderful.

But now I have to give my brain a moment of peace. And in that moment of peace I decided to write.

But the difference is this......I'm not writing about how much pain I'm in or what I'm feeling. Nope. I'm writing about how damn good I feel. How good it feels to be in my world of higher education again. I was afraid I was so consumed with all that's going on in my personal life that I wouldn't be able to reach that part of me again this semester.

But I've already lost time and missed readings because of all of this. And this is my job. This is my full time job. I've been shirking. But not tonight.

Now is time to give the eyes some peace as well.

Normally, I cringe at the thought of someone being miserable. I feel the pain of others too much to enjoy someone else's misery.

But this is not a normal situation. And if his description of her face was true, I am not cringing.

I am sitting back, arms behind my head, smiling at karma.

Because so few people deserve to be in misery in my opinion. Except those who willingly and knowingly and happily put others in misery, after their own gains, not caring what the consequences are.

Those who take what isn't theirs. Those who have complete disregard to anyone else, including the one they swore to be with until death. Those who abuse their free will. Those who happily admit to having no morals.

Those are the ones who so very rarely see karma come back to them. At least, I've very rarely seen it happen to them.

Looks like you haven't slept in weeks? Maybe you should have been resting up in your own bed with your own husband. Maybe then sleep would be coming to you.

Looks like you are hollow inside? Well, perhaps if you had any substance there to begin with, you wouldn't feel as hollow as you do now.

Maybe, just maybe, this will be something you learn from. Maybe my wish will come true.....my wish for you to become human and experience such human emotions as guilt, sympathy, empathy, the difference between right and wrong and, gasp, love.

And the pain that goes with having that love ripped away from you.

Trying it out.