A few things

Number one.....goddess bless azithromycin. Less than 12 hours after my first dose, I already feel human again. I still can't hear or smell, and things now have a really bad taste, verses no taste at all, but I can breathe. The liquid in my lungs is already starting to dry up. YAY!

I hate Sidekick commercials.

The moon fills my living room. My windows are at the perfect angle. And it's full tonight.

I can't wait for my interview on Wednesday.

I've been having some really weird dreams lately. I blame the NyQuil. But they have been very vivid and, I have to say, I've really enjoyed the alternate live I've been living as I sleep.

I realized today that I can be vegan every day. Every day except the day I feel the worst after having been sick for two weeks. On that day, I can eat mini powdered donuts and it's okay.

I love The Simpsons.

I had a really nice moment today.....this whole time I've been sick, I've wanted to be with mom. It's just a natural thing: I feel sick and I want her there to take care of me. She sent me a pair of dad's bibs for filming, and as soon as I opened the box, I could actually smell her fabric softener. It's one of the first things I've been able to really smell. It was very awesome.

Now I am going to sleep. Hopefully tomorrow I will be even more normal. I've really missed being able to walk from one end of the apartment to the other and not being out of breath.

Rock of Love with Bret Michaels?

Train wreck.

Oh my freakin' GOD.

Train wreck.

I can't turn away. It's horrible. It's ridiculous. And I feel ashamed that I'm even watching it, let alone blogging about it.

But I have to. I have to share with the rest of the world. Please, PLEASE, for all that's holy, DO NOT WATCH THIS SHOW!

It is more addictive than crystal meth. There should be a support group.....

Is it wrong to have a crush on 1980's Daryl Hall?

Awesome

I have officially lost my sense of taste, smell and hearing.


All I have are my eyes and nerve endings.

I am one sense away from becoming a super hero. A super hero with a lot of phlegm.

I just need a name. Phlegm Fatale.

Yes.

Somewhere, at some point in time, Illinois pissed off Mother Nature to no end.

And WOW is she letting us have it right now.

Ah, "The Daily Show"

There is no other half hour during the day in which I can be enraged and laugh at the same time.

Michael Vick.
Karl Rove.
"Just like an outdoor market in Indiana in the summertime."

All in the first fifteen minutes.

On a lighter note, I'm really starting to study for the GRE. It's very interesting. Here's hoping.....

Oh---and I want to express how much I HATE the Twix commercials out now. Basically, the moral of the Twix story is...take time to eat a Twix and come up with a lie to fool the person you're with and make them look like a complete moron. Eat Twix and Lie. Sheesh.....nothing like promoting bastardism through a candy bar.

Oh my god.

The show "Platinum Weddings".....just ridiculous. There was a wedding that cost half a million dollars, just because. HALF A MILLION DOLLARS! Seriously. I am really trying to separate my own feelings about weddings here and looking at it from an objective point of view. Half a million dollars. Do you know how much education that would buy? How many meals for those starving? How many animals could be saved?

When I wanted to get married, I wanted it to be simple. I think the wedding was. Of course, I wanted to elope but that's beside the point. I just couldn't even fathom spending that much money on a wedding. I'm sorry....I think statistics help to prove that, no matter how much you spend on a wedding, it doesn't guarantee the marriage will last. There are no guarantees for that at all.

I guess I just can't stand the thought of spending that much money on something that I may, in the future, come to regret. Or have all those expensive memories cease being happy wedding memories but painful memories. Expensive, painful memories.

I guess if someone has that much money to begin with, there really isn't a second thought about spending it on that.

And now I have the "Sanford and Son" theme song in my head. Soon to be replaced with the "Threes Company" theme song....

I know I'm getting close to anniversaries because my desire to right wrongs is very strong.

There are several people that need to know I know. I know about things they said or did.

But if it will only make them feel remorse for what they did by me telling them I know, then they are so far from any redemption and my words would be meaningless.

I wish for karma. Nothing more.

Oh Karl Rove, we hardly knew ye....

Goodnight, sweet demon. Goodnight, sweet evil one.

Now that you have resigned and will be leaving office at the end of this month, please get the hell out of our country. You have done so much to ensure we are hated among those other countries that make up this world. You have spewed your hate ridden bullshit for long enough. Thanks for leaving......

But it wasn't soon enough. Now if we can just get the rest of this administration out......

Wow

So I had a huge blast from my past this past week.

My first love, Tim, found me on MySpace.

I love the story of how we met.....(insert flashback music here)

I was with my parents shopping in Wal-Mart (I know, but I was young). There was a guy who I saw as I was standing in the card aisle. He was about my height and very cute. He smiled, I smiled and we went our separate ways.

The next aisle I walked down, he was on the other side. We smiled again. Then I didn't see him for a bit, and a few minutes later I saw him again. We both kinda laughed, smiled, and kept walking.

I told mom and dad that there was a really cute guy that I kept seeing, and about that time, he walked down my aisle again. Mom and dad acted like they didn't know who I was and kept walking, which was super cool of them. He came up to me, introduced himself to me, and we started talking. His roommate came up to him and I was introduced to him as well. Tim told me they were having a party later that weekend and gave me his number (a torn page from his roommate's checkbook registry). He told me to give him a call if I was interested in going.

I called him and we talked for a bit. Finally I said, "How old are you?" He said, "Don't worry, I am 21. I just look really young." I laughed and said, "How old do you think I am?" He said, "21? 22?" I had to break the news.....I was 15. He was silent for a bit, and said, "Well, we can still be friends!" We talked for about four hours that night.

After I turned 16 and got my license, I would go over to his place and hang out, or we would go out for dinner, things like that. We did this, off and on, for about three years. I knew he was the person I wanted to be with. To this day, he remains one of the most respectful and sweetest people I've ever been with.

He was the first person I thought I would be with forever.

One of our best dates took place in a park. We packed a picnic lunch with strawberries and wine for him, 7Up for me, and random other food things. We sat in the park, talking, eating and laughing, made out for a bit, then talked more. I think this was the date that lasted about 8 hours. It was just so easy with him. So relaxing. So natural.

He made me a necklace. This was back in the day when black cords with beads on them were cool, worn choker style, of course, and he made one for me at the mall. There were blue beads (my favorite color), green beads (his favorite color) and two T's in the middle. Tory and Tim.

After I left for college, he would find me through my parents about every year or so, usually around the winter holidays. We caught up one day and I told him I was dating Hillarie. He said he wasn't surprised, and I laughed, asking if it was that obvious. He told me he had a daughter named Jade. I remember, even though I was very happy with Hillarie at that time, feeling like a part of my heart had twisted a bit when he said that. He had told me he wanted a lot of kids, five to be exact, and I would always laugh and tell him he wouldn't get them from me.

Well, he didn't. He is now married, has three children, and lives in Florida.

I sent him a message on MySpace after I accepted his friend request. He wrote back and said he couldn't say much, since his modem was messed up, but he gave me his number, told me he missed me and thought about me quite a bit, and I should give him a call sometime to catch up.

I don't know if I can.

Tim was one of those people that, every once in awhile, I would think about. Wonder what he was doing. Wonder how things could have been different. And remember that time in my life when I was treated the way I deserved to be treated. With respect and dignity. With care and concern. With an average of 5 hour phone conversations every night. Lying on the couch with him on day during the summer when it was so hot, just lying there, talking.

He was one of the few I don't regret having, but regret not having anymore. And because he is married, I don't know that I can talk to him on the phone. I am afraid it would open too many things that need to stay closed within me.

But damn, it's really nice to see how he's changed, how he's grown and how I've changed and grown.