HAHAHA!!!!

Moria and I were on the couch. She was asleep. I was watching "Family Guy". She farted, and the smell was SO bad that it actually woke her up! She shot up, looked around, sniffed, looked very confused and went back to sleep.

It. Was. Awesome.

HOLY CRAP!!!

THERE WAS A DAMN WASP IN MY APARTMENT!!!!!!

I am SO lucky that it has been cold lately. The wasp wasn't moving very fast at all. In fact, I stuck a glass over it and it didn't even try to fly. It crawled up the side of the glass. I was so freaked out, I left the entire damn glass outside, afraid that if I tried to get it out it would get mad and send out a silent wasp-only signal that would trigger his or her wasp friends' rage against the man, meaning me.

I still have goosebumps on my arms. Holy shit.

Wow

My neighbors, which are actually not living anywhere near me but park in front of my apartment, are SO freaking loud I had to turn up the TV to hear it. And they were only talking. And when I say "talking" I mean "screaming and laughing loudly and yelling names".

I can't wait to move.

I am so ridiculously excited for the Nerd Prom tonight. Like, I can't even explain it. Now I'm off to make a retainer out of paper clips....

Going to start recording them now

So last night's dream was a live-action Family Guy episode, which does sound all shades of awesome. However, it was not. I was Lois, but I wasn't married to Peter. Meg and Chris and Stewie were all there (and all real, which WAS cool).

Instead of being married to Peter, I was having an affair with Peter. It was horrible. The whole dream I was sneaking around and afraid I was going to get caught. I was in so much mental pain because I wanted to be with him so bad but couldn't without shame and guilt. The kids saw me and Peter kissing and hated me, calling me names (and at some point, both Peter and Chris had crew cuts that were hollow at the top and they poured cereal and milk in that hollow part and started eating off each other's heads. I wanted Peter less in that moment comparatively).

Moral of the story? Tonight mama takes a Xanax before bedtime.

Damn

There is an episode of Scrubs that always makes me cry. I just watched it. That is all.

Enough!

Ok, subconscious mind, you will listen to me:

ENOUGH WITH THE ANXIETY DREAMS!

Last night's dream was horrible. It involved me being a mother (AH) and being with someone who was involved with some sort of underground drug ring and he went crazy and shot our three kids in front of me and all sorts of shit. Then I had to sit down to a spaghetti dinner and not act upset. It was so vivid and so weird. No one I knew was in it (except I *think* Dom DeLuise was the one making me eat spaghetti and not be upset).

I know buying a house is a big deal, but I'm not freaked out about it. It feels right. I walked in and the house felt like home. SO WHY AM I FREAKING OUT AT NIGHT?!

Urg.

Oh, maybe buying a house and starting a brand new job and getting ready to move COMBINED is creating some anxiety? Hmmm....

This is so wild

Everything is different right now. I hear about issues going on with homeowners and I actually pay attention. I am listening to advice on interest rates on the news. I can speak the lingo and actually enjoy talking about PMIs and closing and earnest money and such. It's so wild.

Oh, the inspection was today. We'll see how things go!

Oh no!

I *just* developed an eye twitch!!!! ARG!!!!

Alright...

So the offer was accepted. I am going to meet with my mortgage broker and inspectors this week and finalize stuff. I am set to close on June 15! I will have possession at that point and have both bathrooms painted. Best part? No mortgage payment until August. So the entire month of July can be spent saving.

This is awesome.

Arg

Indiana is about to vote on an ordinance requiring pit bulls to be sterilized and their owners to carry one million dollars in insurance.

Can we say band-aid? Can we say "blame the victim"? Any dog will turn violent when abused, neglected and trained to fight. Pit bulls are one of the most abused breed of dogs. So we sterilize them until the numbers are so reduced that they cease to exist? And we think this going to keep assholes from taking another breed of dog, abusing it and training it to attack? Pretty soon chihuahuas will will be a violent breed and we'll need to exterminate them. Beagles. Black labs. You know, maybe we should just exterminate ALL domesticated animals. Any of them can turn bad if treated badly enough.

Oh, you know what? There are some people that hurt others. Maybe we could find a way to track the genetic link and sterilize the women and men before they become parents. Let's completely ignore the fact that we should probably EDUCATE people on how to treat animals and children. Let's continue to create sects of society that believe animals killing each other is sport. Of course, humans killing animals is still sport, so that might get a bit tricky.

Urg.

Just urg.

I signed the offer tonight. It gets faxed tomorrow. It's in the lap of the real estate gods now. Maybe I can offer them a sacrifice by burning my current lease....

So....

I have been walking around all day, thinking about the different colors my walls are going to be.

I know my bathrooms will be blue. The upstairs bathroom will be a slightly lighter blue than the downstairs bathroom. I want my bedroom to look like a cloud. Lots of blue and billowy white. The kitchen will be a light yellow. The dining room/library will be a lilac color. The living room will have a blue accent wall, darker than the bedroom or bathroom. The office will be a light yellow, similar to the kitchen. The knitting room...I'm not sure yet how I want the knitting room to look. It will double as a guest bedroom. I am going to be working on this for the next year or so. It's so cool!! Three bedrooms. A bathroom and a half. Dining room. Living room. Upstairs. Downstairs. Lawn. MINE!! It's just awesome!

I am so excited about this. I can't wait until the papers are signed. So. Excited.

Um, holy shit!

I am about to be a first-time homeowner.

Oh my

My nerdiness just shot up about fifteen points. Ceridwyn and Moria were surrounding KittenFatCat because they wanted to play. I grabbed the squirt bottle and said to them, "You remember this? This is STING!". Then I realized just how nerdy that was. And I had to write about it.